OPENING DOORS

I'd like to start by apologizing for the long delay in publishing my blog since my last entry. I had further surgery earlier this year---not serious, I can assure you. But for some reason, it triggered a long spell of the blues, where I couldn't work up any enthusiasm for much of anything in my life. (Whether emotionally induced or chemically induced because of my medications, I guess I'll never know.) I simply went through the motions from day to day. I've slowly come out of it and, with Thanksgiving just behind us, realized that I had much to be thankful for. *

I also realized that, to keep on living---not just existing---you have to keep opening doors. To think outside the box. To stay open to new things. I had forgotten that that was how we had kept our lives interesting through the years.

New husband drafted into the army and shipped to Germany? Did I stay home with my parents as most young brides did when their husbands were in service abroad? Not on your life! Off I went to join him. Because he was just a private, we lived with German families and I learned to cook on a big black coal stove!

And when the kids came, did we stick to the same old "Parenting" routines? No way! We dreamed up lots of ways to deal with problems and situations. Some straight and some goofy! (See IT'S MY HOUSE AND I'M BIGGER THAN YOU ARE.)

Going from New York to visit my sister in Boston when the boys were young? We gave them a general itinerary on the map, then told them to find lots of interesting things for us to do along the way. They came up with a bunch of fun stuff. The Basketball Hall of Fame. a colonial village recreation, The House of The Seven Gables in Salem, the Old North Church (Paul Revere's church) in Boston, the Boston Science Museum---where, as an unexpected bonus, we got to see, live, the first moon landing on the museum's giant TV screens!

And then there was my problem with opening cans of fruits and vegetables. If the top of the can was slightly dusty, I'd turn it over and open it upside-down. Eventually, the kids asked me why I sometimes opened the cans right-side-up and sometimes in reverse. I explained that I had an Australian twin, who came from the opposite side of the globe and therefore did everything I did, but in reverse. We had the same wardrobe, so sometimes she would take my place while I went shopping or something. The kids took great delight in trying to catch me up. By opening a goofy door, I had created a fun, ongoing game between us.

And because I was not afraid to open an unfamiliar door, that was how I got to be a published writer of historical romances. The children were growing up, and I, who had been super busy for years with a large house and four kids, was feeling slightly bored. But I was a pretty good cook at that point (see YUM! entry), so a friend and I, who also cooked well and was between jobs and also bored, decided to write a cookbook.We met for a few months, shared recipes and cooked together, made lots of notes, etc.---then decided 1. It was basically boring and 2. We really didn't know what the hell we were doing or how to put together a cookbook!

"What shall we do, then?" we both asked each other. But, by mere chance, I had read, that morning, an article in the paper about a Romance writer, who was actually two housewives from New Jersey.
"Want to do that?" I asked.

"No." she said. "It doesn't hit my buttons. But you (meaning me) are one of those 'Ha! Thou lusty wench!' types of  people. So maybe you could do it." (I think she meant that I was a bit of a Drama Queen. Guilty as charged!)

And so---despite the mockery of my kids (and possibly the skepticism of my husband) I opened that door. Wrote the book, then boldly contacted editors and agents till I got someone who was interested in what I had written. Was encouraged to write a sequel, then encouraged again to write an outline of a third book. Ultimately sold the trilogy to Pocket Books to launch their Tapestry line. ("Marielle", "Lysette", and "Delphine". Reprints and e-books available through Diversion Books.)

And all because I wasn't afraid to open a new door.

And now I sell wedding dresses at Macy's. And how did I get there? Another door.

My daughter was getting married. I had separated from my husband and was working part-time, but thinking I was going to have to leave New York because I couldn't afford to stay unless I had a full-time job. Because I couldn't help my daughter out financially, she was paying for her own wedding. She wanted to go to David's Bridal, because her funds were limited.

"You've got a good eye, Mom," she said.. "Come with me." (I sewed my own clothes for 40 years and studied for a fashion career, so it wasn't exactly unfamiliar territory!)  So off we went.

Clerk wasn't much help. I found the dress, veil and shoes for my daughter in no time. Daughter was pleased and admiring herself in the dress. Just then, a woman in the dressing room next to us asked me, "Do you like me in this dress?"

Well, it was none of my business, and I could simply have brushed her off. But I opened the door instead.

"No," I said. "That's all wrong for you. What size are you?"

She told me and I poked around a bit and found a dress for her to try on. She put in on and started to cry, she was so happy with the dress.

At that point, a third bride looked hopefully at me and said, "You're not leaving yet, are you? Can you help me?"

And the manager, who had come up to us, turned to me and said, "Would you like a job?"

And that's how I got into bridal! (Worked at David's for a few months until I found out that Macy's in Herald Square was opening a new Bridal Salon. Applied and got the job.)

Incidentally, I still open doors. When I have a bride or bridesmaid at the Salon and we connect in a friendly way, I sometimes say, "I DO hang out!" Which is why I have half a dozen new young friends, with whom I go to theater, movies, museums, lunches, etc.

Life lesson? Open doors to keep your existence lively and interesting.

Damn your comfort zone---full speed ahead!

* Must mention the final "kick in the head" I got to get me going again. All four of my wonderful kids surprised me two weeks ago by coming from all over the country to spend the weekend with me on my special birthday. (I spent half the time crying happy tears and realizing how lucky I was!) God bless them all.